How Lucky Am I

The other night I was listening to a song by Tracy Chapman– “Change”:

If you knew that you would die todayIf you saw the face of God and loveWould you change?Would you change?

It got me thinking about what I would or should change in my life. I can say that there is little about my life that I would change. I routinely remind myself of all the things that I am grateful for. I certainly miss some people and places but I try to look back in thanks for having them at all.

I’m missing my soulmate and housemate of nearly 14 years, Zoey. It’s been 3 weeks that I’ve been on my own and today was the first day that I went for a walk without her. She and I walked at least twice a day nearly every single day over those years. When I went for walks with others, I would feel guilty, like I was cheating on her. Either guilt or sadness has kept me from walking until today and it was a beautiful day. I walked a new trail today and crossed paths with at least a dozen dogs (wild!). I’m still not sure if seeing them all made my walk harder or easier, to watch them swimming, running and just enjoying the beautiful morning.

My dad died nearly 14 years ago and Zoey come into my life, exactly 1 month later. She was my distraction from grief that I was feeling. I spent her life worrying about her (like I do my boys) every day for one reason or another and now instead I think about how lucky I was. My dad called me “Poo” when I was growing up. Occasionally, I thought I should have named Zoey, “Poo” and ignored my sons’ suggestion of “Zoey”.  So I end with a quote from another and more famous “Pooh”:

How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.

-Winnie The Pooh